Stepping away from cloudy skies and cold air into the warmth of a brightly decorated room was enough of a contrast to liven my hope. My journey towards freedom led me here. I sat comfortably on a couch, sharing my story, looking over every now and then to the daylight shining in through the window. “Have you ever been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?” my counselor asked. “No,” I responded. “From what you're describing, it sounds a lot like PTSD,” she said. Hearing the diagnosis was like finding a missing piece to a puzzle. Finally, there was a reason behind my anxiety—and a path for obtaining the freedom I longed for.
Since then, my journey of freedom continues to progress; however, I'm beginning to understand the long journey is less about obtaining my end goal—my miracle. It's more of a discovery of who Christ is. A discovery taking me beyond words on a page and leading me to know him more fully in the deepest parts of my inner being. My pursuit takes place a day at a time as I write out characteristics of God and meditate on how he's displayed each one of them in my life.
I'm fixing my eyes on him, not on my miracle.
I'm sure Jesus desired the same for others in the crowd when he gave the sermon on the mount.
“News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them. Large crowds from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea and the region across the Jordan followed him. Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them, saying:”
Matthew 4:24-5:2, NIV
I'm sure there were many in the crowd who were waiting for Jesus to heal them. They were waiting for their miracle, but instead of Jesus performing more miracles, he sat down and taught them. Because there was something more at stake here—greater than the miracles people sought after.
Jesus wanted to cultivate a love for God in them. He wanted to develop a greater understanding for eternal values in them. Obtaining these were found by sitting at his feet, listening to him teach.
Just like those people in the crowds, Jesus wants us to know there is something more at stake here. If miracles were the end goal, I'm convinced God would fulfill all requests in an instant. Rather, it's the process of asking and waiting and learning from him. It's the daily pursuit of sitting at his feet.
Knowing God more fully is the end goal—he's worth more than any miracle we seek.
Will you join me in fixing our eyes on him today?
Today we begin week two of our study in Matthew. I'm so excited about this study! Please click here to download this week's reading guide. Also, feel free to join today, even if you missed last week. We will be studying chapters five through seven.
Photo: Naomi Hebert